Feeling, and to live a better life

Bello! 

It's been a long time ever since I've stopped blogging. 

I'm blogging during my Maths lecture now, kekekeke.. Major's lecture today sounds not okay today, that's why it is boring and wasting time. I guess his 'old style' is back. 

Anyways, back to the main topic. 

There's one thing I want to share out. 

I'm already pursuing in sem 2 for my foundation. Week 4 currently. My sem 1's results kinda not satisfying for myself and my family. I really wanted to experience the feeling of scoring high GPA so that I can have scholarship for my next sem. 

So, I've aimed to score straight A's. Kinda a big joke for myself at first but as the days pass, I've became more determined to archive my target. I want A+ for Programming Concepts, A for Maths, A- for both Bio and Chem. And I've calculated the GPA of total grades, that'll be 3.8. 

I've not been scoring any A's for science subjects even in form 4, form5 and of course in university level. The more I can only score is a B.Therefore, I'm kinda suspicious of myself whether I can get at least A-, IN UNIVERSITY LEVEL! 

I've been telling myself not to give up no matter what but sometimes I'm really exhausted of that. My sem 2 lecturers aren't that good, aren't that type of my study standard. I've to struggle myself through all the subjects. I've to study in my own as I can't depend on the lecturers anymore. 

'See? Now the Major kept on solving wrong maths equations. Nah, I told you I'm blogging at lecture hall now right.' 

Okay, back to the topic. 

I've just had my maths mid-term test 1 last night. And at the end I was like..telling my course mates 'if I pass, I treat you all a meal'. So, you knew how's my performance in my test yeah? I think I'm gonna fail. Fail deadly. 

I've totally lost mood and courageous. I almost thought of giving up. I knew I'm not a genius, so I was like, why am I aiming so high? Why am I targeting to score 3.8 when I have not scoring as high as that before? Even in secondary school level, my performances aren't that good, it's kinda ridiculous if I'm targeting a better performance in uni level, I mean, uni level is more challenging and harder than secondary school level right. 

So, I'm kinda emo-ing last night. I knew I post a lot of statuses in FB and I tweet more in twitter. So there was one senior of mine, which I treated him as my brother, since he's a nice person as in, a person whom worth for me to treasure plus, his surname is same as mine! 

He chat with me last night, asking me why am I so emo. Aiyaaaa, I miss Alex last night because I really want to share my hurdles and my troublesome thoughts with him. So, I told all my problems to my senior brother, oh yeah, his name is Elvis Leong. So yeah, I told all to him, as he also knew about Alex. He studied foundation at Kampar, then currently degree in UTAR Sungai Long campus. 

So he comforted me throughout the night. Even Chee Yin, (my best friend, sister, plus, a form 5 deskmate of mine) also comforted me.  Of course Karmun also as she's always care of me in Kampar here. 

Okay back to my senior brother. What I wanna share is, when I wanna go to sleep that time, I wished good night to him and of course he replied back good night. But what shocked me the most is, he also replied 'love ya :)' 

I totally stunned. Ahh, I think my feeling is like, I felt a brother's love. I feel so comfortable. That moment, I'm so hope that Alex could said that to me. I mean, if he's really my boyfriend, or not to be so dream of, even he could be my brother, I would be very glad of. But, it'll be only a dream. I don't have the courage to make it as a target. I think, this dream of mine will not became true anyway. 

So, I'm really glad to have Elvis. 

Okay okay. Yesterday was history, today is a present from God and tomorrow will be a mystery. I think, I shouldn't be sad because of what has happened, I should just move on, to live a better life the next day. So today is the 'next day' of yesterday and I'd promised myself to stop thinking about nonsense and continue not to give up on my target for scoring GPA of 3.8 in sem 2. 

Yup, think of it like that :- fail once doesn't meant that fail whole life. Therefore, I still need to move on. 

Present you Day by Day sang by My Name. I found it's lyrics is meaningful and the song is fantastic awesome. 

Goodbye and see ya soon! :)