Olden Days :)

♫B1A4 - Only Learned Bad Things
Recently, I found lots of old photos when I'm childhood. Approximately, 110 pieces of them. Haha, feeling so happy to see back the kid face of myself, I posted all the photos to Facebook. Too much of memories for me to refresh back. I came to be emotional when I think that I did not enjoy my childhood life to the max, I'm very regret and I knew that I can't make a time machine to put back me in childhood life, I'm so sad. Sad of being wasting my childhood life.

Here's a video of the photos.

Life changes, Memories kept

♫Super Junior - No Other

I've been living on the Earth, as a person for 17 years. My life kept on changing and I just don't like it. Why? It's because everything I'm changing my life, hardships happen on me, making me felt like tired to live again on this world. 

At age 3, life changed the very first time. I'm going to kindergarten that time, the feeling of going to a school for the first time! Life changes at that moment. At age 6, life changes again. I'm going to Primary school. From having a small group of friends in the kindergarten, I'm going to have a large group of friends in primary time. Life changed. At age 12, I'm going to sit for an important exam, UPSR which I find it special at that time. Then, I'm going to study in a Secondary school for the next year! Life changes again. At the age of 15, I had to sit for another important exam again, PMR which I don't find it special anymore but stress and tension started to grow up. Then, I'm going to Form 4 which is Upper Secondary the next year! Oh, life changes AGAIN? This time got to changed a lot. After that, Form 5 (now), LIFE HAVE TO CHANGE AGAIN! I got to sit for SPM this year. Another important exam! But, this will be the last important exam that I've to sit. More stress and tension were growing! This exam's result got to be with me for my whole life! So, I got to get the very very best result for it. Life changes again, I'm going to further my studies in somewhere, either Form 6 or college, the conclusion is I'll be graduate from my secondary school by this year. No more studying in government school starting from next year. I mean no more such schools for me to study in which each and every human beings got to study in. More frustrating, I got to think which course I'm going to study after my Form 5 and have to find school to study. Oh, life got to change to the max!

So my life has changed for at least 5 times, and yes, after my graduation in University, life will be change again. Then, having relationship with a guy and marry him and having own family, Life CHANGE again! Fuhh, I don't know my life got to change how many times, I just know that I have to face a lot of hardships especially in front of my parents. Alright, life has change for 5 times for now, that means I've been trying to give up my life (commit suicide?) for 5 times. Pheeee... More life changing to be face for the next 5 years..I can't do anything =/

Flashbacks for doomsday

♫ Lee Hyun - Senseless Me

I was broken down into tears today. Doomsday. PMR is on next week so Form 5s' got to pack their things and move to Form 3s' classes. My class was moved to 3 Oriole, the class where I was studied in when I was 15. Just a step into the class, my heart got hurt. Too much. I saw the seat where I was seated last two years. I looked around the ceiling, walls have been repainted, the classroom has became lighter than two years ago. Flashbacks started from this moment.

I saw the 15-year-old me sitting at the place where I was supposed to be seated, chit-chatting with my friends happily. I can see Seow Ying, Michelle, Khong Kar Wai, Chee Cheng and Kai Sin chit-chatting happily with me. We were laughing for something. That was Pasca-PMR, which means at that moment we had sat for our PMR examination. Then suddenly, I can see Kylie entered the class and Seow Ying, Michelle, Kylie and I were singing SHINee's Hello, holding lyrics. Few seconds later, I saw Kylie and I dancing Hello, Chee Cheng and Seow Ying were recording us. Then, not much longer, I saw another moment. The classroom looks dark, lights were switched off and doors were closed. That was the moment Khong Kar Wai, Kai Sin, Chee Cheng and I skipping a talk that held in the hall. We stayed in class chit-chatting about the planning for celebrating my 15th Birthday. Then I saw Kar Wai went out and Eleen came in. I saw myself ran and hide under some tables when Eleen came in because I thought it was a teacher. Kai Sin did that too, but she hid behind some chairs. Eleen laughed and Tan Kar Wai came in. Kai Sin was suddenly gone. Now there's only Tan Kar Wai, Eleen and I. Three of us played chess together. At that moment, the sight became blur and I heard some noises. Oh, that moment had changed to Pesta Ria moment. It was the first year that we had for organizing Pesta Ria (Funfair) and Form 3s' were in charged in playing games. Every class got to make their classrooms into a game stall and students will be waiting for outsiders to play the games. I saw Khong Kar Wai busily guarding her game stall, her ping-pong ball game while Michelle and I were guarding the duck-fishing game. I remembered the way Michelle and I served those "customers" especially there was a moment some teens came in and we played happily, Kar Wai was playing with us too. Suddenly, blackout. I saw nothing but someone's singing. Lights were switched on and I saw Pui Kei and I sitting at my place singing our "Chao Phraya" song. The Pesta Ria moment had gone. So, I can see Michelle, Seow Ying, Chee Cheng and Kai Sin laughing like mad cows when Pui Kei and I sang our song. We created that song, creatively. Then, I felt dizzy. I saw back all the moments that we have had in this class. Happy moments, sad moments were just kept on refreshing in my mind.

When it came to a stop, I realized that I was actually standing in front of the class, holding my bags, like stunt for a while. All the Form 3's moments had gone and all I can see is my Form 5's classmates busying arranging their stuffs in the class. I saw Chee Yin asked me to sit at a place which was far from the place where I usually sit during Form 3. Clearly I could see that I'm no longer Form 3. Classmates had changed. I was stunt that I couldn't believe that those moments I have had with my friends during Form 3 were just flew away like been blowing from a strong wind.

I put down my bags and stuffs, sat down and started to feel my heart as if it was broken into pieces. Tears started to flow out from my eyes, I really can't believe it, the moments... I cried for a period, approximately less than half an hour. I knew that classmates around me were shocked to see me crying suddenly except Seow Ying as she has already knew that I'll think back those days..

We had to stay in the class for more or less, a week, to wait for the Form 3s' to finish their PMR. At first I couldn't think how am I supposed to stay in this class for the next few days as I'll be thinking back old moments. Morning, tomorrow morning, I knew that I'll think back old moments when Shy Teng, Kar Wai and I used to be the earliest student to reach school, we were usually sleeping in the class. Alright, I just can't think of those old moments anymore as I know, life have to continue no matter what happens. I just hope that I can bear the burden of being thinking back the old moments..

By the way, this is what true friendships are. A person who can do such stupid things like me, like today, as happened. Here's a short video which I found out. I made it when Form 3.

Dreamer in Wonderland

♫Brian Kim - Jesus Christ  ♫Brian Kim - One Heart One Voice  ♫Brian Kim - 주가 일하시네

I was so OBSESSED with BRIAN KIM in these few days and I can't figure out why. It's about a year we did not contact to each other and probably he had already forgotten about me. But the thing is, why would I suddenly so obsess about him? I was even dreamed about him last Friday!
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I saw him in a fun park, in the afternoon. He's not with his worship members or crews, he was alone, walking in the fun park. I was curious, why this guy so familiar to see. I stared at him twice and thrice, is he Brian Kim? Since he was alone, I was dare to went to him and asked him " Are you Brian Kim". "Yes, I am", he replied. Then I happily shouted "hyung"!!! and wanted to hug him but I did not. "Do you remember me? I'm the one who called you "hyung" in Tweeter! and a year had passed, last year you came to Malaysia with your band for worship touring", I tried to explain. "Oh, I'm kinda remember", he smiled at me!! WOW, I was like "he remembered me"! I quickly took out my camera and snap only a piece of photograph because there's insufficient battery in my camera. Ouch, this ruin my mood! So, we walked together around the fun park, chit-chatting about something which I had forgotten. I was so happy and every minute I was thinking about the photo, thinking of letting my friends to get jealous because I get to meet back Brian Kim and took another photo with him. Not even ten minutes, he said he wanted to walk around himself and asked me to find him later. So I just left him. Approximately an hour later, I met back him and this time he was with Super Junior's Ryeowook! What? Isn't it ridiculous when no one came to scream that SUJU's member is in the fun park? There's really not even a teenager scream madly and they were just stare at Ryeowook as if he's a normal guy. Hmm, curious again. So, I ran towards them. "Annyeonghi Ryeowook oppa!" I wished Ryeowook. Brian introduced me to him. Too bad, I can't even switch on my camera so I did not took any photo with Ryeowook. And suddenly....  why am I sleeping at my bed? 

 *****************************************************************************

It was Saturday, gotta wake up early and have to go to school. Aih, school replacement again. But what's make me happy is, dad's best friend and his family will be coming back for SMI old boys' gathering. Seriously, talking about him, dad and him was best friends for more than 35 yrs. Wow, how to do that? Even Kylie and I were just 16 yrs. Really praise them. Alright back to the topic. My family and this uncle's family were already like a family. His mom gained a stepson which is my son. And I gained 3 stepcousins which 2 daughter was this uncle's and another one is his sister's. So yeah, I'm happy because they came back. 

@ Station 1 for lunch

So, it's Monday. Dad's friend went back to KL and it's a school day. I went to school as usual and was exhausted when I came home. I slept on the sofa and I saw Brian Kim's look. Eh? Brian Kim again? And he disappeared to nowhere. I woke up from nap, it's tuition time. I was preparing myself and I was refreshed on last Friday's incident. Oh, was that a dream too? Yea, I think it was. I was having no expression even though it's a dream. After tuition, I was desperately open back all Brian Kim's songs and I realized that it was a waste that last Friday's incident is a dream. Aww, so sad - deeply hurt. I began to search his photos which I've taken with him last year when he came to M'sia. Oh, I was missing him. Bla! Blek! No point I lied to myself. NO! I can't be missing him! That's crazy, he already had a wife! Ah, fine..

Back to the main point, hmm, why am I so obsessed of him suddenly? Thinking back, I figured out something. I think...it's because of a person. It's true story now. That day on Matta Fair, there's a guy whom I met was having 80% same look with Brian Kim. He worked in UOB Bank and came to ask my dad to subscribe a credit card from UOB. Oh, no wonder this guy is so familiar but at that time I don't even thought that he looks like Brian Kim! Not even a second that I thought of Brian Kim although I knew that this guy looks like a person whom I saw before. By the way, he's a lil handsome and was just aged 28. I remembered he was staring at me while chatting with my dad since my dad doesn't want to subscribe the card. Few days later, I saw him again in Ipoh Parade and he recognized me. His handsomeness made me thought bout him for a day and then I had forget about this guy.

But Matta Fair had ended quite some time. Hmph, but I still think that this guy had made me dreamed of Brian Kim! I was really a dreamer in Wonderland on last Friday. Alright, story ends here. :))

Brian Kim's love story

I met Brian Kim last year in September at a church in Ipoh. Although I'm not a Christian but I'm always obsess about Korean! Brian isn't a popular kpop artist but he's popular in South Korea for his worship. He's a worship leader in Korea. Well, he was also have a duet group named Krygen, singing KPOP but it's infamous than his solo worship. He used to sing Christian songs in Korean and they were nice to hear eventually. So, I began to admire him in the first sight. I can't deny that he was handsome, he was also a caring person. At that moment, we always get contacted in Twitter with his name @BRIANKIMCCM and I called him "hyung", which I shouldn't called him like that. But if not "hyung", I couldn't call him "oppa". So, he let me to just call him as "hyung". So, it's about a year we did not get contact to each other because we don't know what to say to each other. And few days ago, I dreamed about him! I'm sure that I've took photo with him in a fun park but it was just a dream. Sadly, I went to search his photos and songs to show that I can't deny that I missed him. I missed the moment we tweeted to each other and meet each other in a church and for the first time I MET A KOREAN!! And today, just when I started to check on his photos again, I saw people's blog posting his love story and when I click the link, it was from his website. He had wrote his love story to people. As I read, I found that his love story is romantic, yet I should grant him and his wife to be together in their whole life.

Here's his love story entitled :
Introducing my Love.
 
I began liking her in the fall of 2007.
As I was leading worship at church, I noticed a beautiful woman worshipping her heart out.
I led worship in that same spot at that same time for the past 5 years, but it was the first time that I saw my 'love.' Her outward beauty drew my attention, but more than that... it was her inner beauty and her passion for the Lord in worship that attracted me the most.
 
Before that moment, I had actually known her for 3 whole years, but never once did I ask for her phone number nor did we have a long conversation. Honestly, we were not attracted to each other before that moment. So I asked myself : ' Why didn't I notice such a beautiful person before?' After that service, I began noticing aspects of her which were unseen before. I noticed how she would collect all the prayer requests of fellow church members in the prayer box. I also learned that she visited 8 different countries as a missionary in 2007. She taught little children in a Korean Montessori. I sensed her love for kids. And when several friends rode in my car, I could hear her humming along to the same english praise song with me. More than focusing on her outward appearance and beauty, I could sense her pure and simple nature, as well as her love for prayer and praise.
 
So, from simply being attracted to her, I fell in love with her.
I sensed this love being from God, and not of my own. I could see a future with her.
It wasn't simply about dating, but coming together as one, fulfilling the promises of God together as a family. I started to pray for us and our potential because I saw Jesus in her.
 
And from October 1st(2007) until November 1st(2007), I wrote in a prayer journal every day.
My heart and honest prayers were poured over those pages daily.
And this bible verse covered the last entry of that journal.
 
'So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her' Genesis 29:20.
 
I wanted to let her know that I could wait on her. The fact was that she planned to go to Los Angeles for her studies in Design the following month. So even if things went well, we would be separated by long distance. However, there was a strong assurance in my heart that we should be together for a lifetime and if that was the case.... then I would wait.
 
So after much prayer, I asked her to meet me for dinner on November 1st. 
After the main meal, during our dessert, I expressed to her my heart. 
I shared with sincerity and boldness, that I was attracted to her. 
But to my surprise, she gave me a strong rejection : NO!
Her answer shocked me and caused me so much pain. 
 
After that first 'date,' I prayed fervently for another week. I asked the Lord to move her heart...
to change her heart... One week later, I confessed to her one more time, that I couldn't
lose her... and that I wouldn't give up. However, once again, she replied with a fervent 'No!'
She wasn't interested at all. She seemed quite cold to me at the time.
 
I went home that night and got on my knees again.
' Lord, you know my heart! I desire to be with this woman for the rest of my life.
When we come together as a married couple, we can unite for Your Kingdom and Your
purposes. She is an intercessor who can pray for me and the ministry You've bestowed upon me. You have called me a 'Father of Many Nations,' and I can clearly see her passion for missions.
She shares a heart for praise and worship as well. Lord, I see you in her! Please stir her heart and change her decision Lord!'
 
Suddenly, in the middle of my prayer, I remembered how she would share with me her dreams, and how God spoke through those dreams. 
So I added an extra prayer: 
' Father, would you allow her to dream about me tonight!! haha
Allow me to show up in her dream!  Amen~! haha'
 
After that moment, for 2 entire weeks I didn't contact her once. I had done my best with my strength, and she rejected me 2 times already. And she was still not interested, even a little bit. 
So I gave everything to the Lord... But just because I didn't call her, did not mean that I stopped praying. Everyday I prayed more fervently and more specifically for her and for us. Within 
the content of those prayers, not only were my desires present, but also a willingness to surrender her to God's will if she wasn't His will... Not my will, but Yours... because God knows what's best!
 
And after those 2 weeks, my heart became so free. God reminded me of His wonderful love for me. I began to trust His plan for me...even my marriage plans.
Suddenly one evening, I received a text message... from her, the woman I love.
 
She shared with me that I had showed up in her dream the night before!
And that is why she contacted me first. She said that I had a worried, troubled expression on my face in her dream. So I replied half-joking: ' We're you worried about me?'  She replied :No . 
After our conversation, I questioned God about this relationship. 
Does she like me? Why did she call me if she wasn't interested? Lord, what do I do now?!!
 
However, she texted me again after only 30 minutes.
'Brian. Honestly, I lied to you. I was worried about you all day long.'
 
Wow! God is good! hahaha
After we hung up the phone, we agreed to meet a week later, since she wasn't entirely sure about us. But before that week passed by, several of our mutual friends went out to watch a movie.
Among the ten or so that showed up, a pastor that we both knew approached me and started me with his question. 'Brian, are you praying for your future spouse?' I was shocked to hear him ask this question at such a crucial moment in my life. Then he entirely blew me away with his next comment: 'Brian, have you ever considered Jenny?' 
 
At that moment, I was so overwhelmed and surprised that he mentioned her name!
How could he know? No one told him!! No one knows... He shouldn't know!haha
Then he began to explain, how he sensed the two of us being perfect for each other because we shared a passion for the Lord. He just sensed God's plan and touch in our lives, and normally he wouldn't interfere in such relationships... but he felt a burdent to share his heart ...
And once Jenny heard from the pastor, she was more overwhelmed and shocked...
The reason for her shock was because several months prior the same pastor recommended her
to guard her heart from men... to be careful with her relationships... but here he was now...
recommending Me  to her!!
 
Honestly, there are more testimonies and crazy happenings regarding our relationship.
Without God, we would definitely not be together.
We were two people in the same church, who barely knew the existence of the other for 3 entire years in the same church.
However, in God's time and in God's plan...we were able to meet each other.
 
I strongly believe that everything happend through the power of prayer.
 
Currently, I am touring and recording and through the medium of culture and music , influencing the next generation as a Light. 
However, before my music and career, my priority is to this beautiful woman 
(right after Jesus of course).
 
When two become one in Christ, God can do even greater things!
As we unite, the impossible become possible!
Jacob's confession has become my confession now...
 
This is the person that I love the most, right after Jesus...
She is now my wife of almost two years, my partner in this journey of Faith.
 
Thank You God. 
Thank You Jenny.
 
On This Valentine's Day, 
and also every day...
I love You with His Love...
 
Brian Kim